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About TeleportJobs
TeleportJobs is a small job board that was started in 2005 that provides a free resume database and free job posting for employers. Because we are a free service we have a number of employers looking for candidates. If you are looking for a job; posting your resume is a great way to get your skills in front of this employer base.
About this page
Having been around for a few years we tend to get some funny job posts. We thought we'd bring a bit of levity to your job search and share a few with you. |
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MARTIANS NEED NOT APPLY Your inter galactic iPhone buzzes. The display pops up with the image of your cross universe human resource liaison for the United World Court. Blenchart. This is Willem. Your CUSR liaison of the UWC. It looks like we've overlooked something in the job requirements. You get a queasy feeling in one of your three stomachs. You pull up the job posting and sure enough. You're up the milky way without a job. Title: COURT RESEARCHER Description: If you've ever thought about being a court researcher, now's the time to apply! If you're getting tired of seeing the ads for court researcher and want to do your part, apply now! Our website is (removed) We have personally checked with the IRS directly and reviewed our company policies. Our policies were not compared to anything on the web site, we spoke to them. We are a rapidly growing company with opportunities coming all the time. You'll never find another court research company quite like us. Once hired, you'll notice the difference. With (removed) Services, you'll be treated fairly. If you do well, you'll be rewarded. If you mess up, you'll know. If you work with us, we work with you through any difficulties. Communication is extremely important. If you are hired, then don't tell us what's going on for three weeks and make no visit to your courthouse, don't be upset when you're terminated. Like any job, take responsibility for yourself and your actions. We will try and accommodate you. Work for another research company? That's cool! You're welcome to work for any one you'd like. The only thing we ask is that you do NOT provide the same data to anyone else that you work for. If you do, I will force you to listen to a dvd of my singing. If that doesn't do the trick, we'll bury you in a tub of spaghetti. I'm kidding, by the way. Why waste good spaghetti when jello is cheaper? Court researcher requirements: You must be able to breath You must have a laptop You must have internet access You must be able to run programs that support Windows You must be able to open and edit excel, word, and PDF files. If you don't have MS Office, you must be willing to download open office. It's free. You must be able to leave your home. You must have reliable transportation You must be able to go to the courthouse in your area. If you're new to the area, you must know how to read a phone book or use the internet to look up the address of the courthouse. You must also use a map to figure out the best route. You must not use the excuse that your kids are baking cookies as the reason why you didn't submit your records. You should have shared the cookies with me. If you or anyone in your family bakes cookies, share them. You must be able to leave the house between 9-5 pm Mon-Fri. This is when the courthouse is open. You must know how to read and understand English. You should have a good sense of humor. You are not required to laugh at my jokes if they are dumb. You must only laugh if they are funny. You must be from earth. At this time, we are no longer accepting applications from any more Martians. IRS forbids us from hiring anyone else from mars. A complete list of where we are hiring can be found on our website. I attempted to create a list to paste here, but it didn't want to behave tonight. I have sent my excel reader to the corner for a time out for throwing a temper tantrum. Maybe next time. We have over 1,800 counties across the United States that we are in need of staffing. We pay twice a month, on the 10th and 25th. You can either choose pay pal or receive a check. Direct deposit is coming soon. We are also proud to be the ONLY court research company out there that offers BENEFITS! We offer paid vacations, sick pay, Christmas bonuses, gas incentives based on gasoline costs, prepaid tax consultation, and more! Our website can be found at (removed) Just click on "Careers". You can find a FAQ section on being a court researcher. Most of the common questions have been answered. |
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